Post by Mai Valentine. on Apr 7, 2009 20:52:49 GMT -5
Mai Valentine 'S BEEN ON THE RUN
DRIVING IN THE SUN
LOOKING OUT FOR NUMBER ONE.
hey, you! yeah, i'm talking to you. wake the hell up! good.
welcome to the When You Were Young tour. it is
mandatory that you fill out this paperwork. yes, all of it. why?
because we doggone said so, that's why! now take a seat and
please be quiet. i said be quiet!
CALIFORNIA HERE WE COME,
RIGHT BACK WHERE WE STARTED FROM.
"people just call me mai . . . there isn't much else you can make out of a name like that."
I HAVE TO ASK: MALE, FEMALE, OR SOMETHING IN BETWEEN?
"i don't know what to think from this question. either you're blind, or just down right idiotic. i'm a female, thanks."
GOOD, I WAS STARTING TO WORRY. NOW, HOW OLD ARE YOU EXACTLY?
"twenty years old. born on december 16th. which would, obviously, make me a sagittarius."
WELL, YOU LOOK YOUNG FOR YOUR AGE. HOW DO YOU STAY IN SHAPE?
"how does anyone stay in shape? get off their ass and do something."
OH, I'LL HAVE TO TRY THAT. MOVING ON: YOUR HAIR, IS THAT YOUR NATURAL COLOR?
"it's two colours, bud. it's obviously not entirely natural. the blue in it changes whenever the hell i feel like it, normally to red, or green. the black, however, is all natural."
DON'T MEAN TO BE A PEST BUT, HOW TALL ARE YOU EXACTLY?
"i am five foot six, and im very happy with my height. still shorter than most men, but a pair of heels do nicely."
I WOULD NEVER HAVE CONSIDERED THAT GEORGE CLOONEY MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT ABOUT YOU?
"george is a good actor, sometimes. but i never read about the media. im straight, as far as i know. i could be wrong, though."
OH REALLY? WELL, WHAT BAND ARE YOU IN WHAT'S YOUR POSITION?
"im not in a band, actually. would you believe me if i told you i was a bartender?"
WELL THEN, WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?
"i steal candy from little kids?"
DON'T WORRY, THIS IS ALL CONFIDENTIAL. GO AHEAD, TELL US WHAT YOU ENJOY.
"alcohol. sex. loud music. concerts. tight t shirts. ripped jeans. long hair. swearing. accents, mainly british ones. entertaining. working out. swimming. work. my laptop. brown pop. pasta. rough play. wrestling. movies. weed-- yes, i have a permit, bitch."
WHAT ABOUT SOMETHING THAT GETS ON YOUR NERVES?
"where to start . . . high maintenance males. sweet, soft personalities. buzz killers. know-it-all's. fakes. wannabes. media. con artists. rotten food. nasty smells. dirty people (as in, they don't shower, constantly smell bad, their house is crawling with vermin, etc.) filling out applications."
I'LL HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT. SO, ARE YOU GOOD AT ANYTHING?
"im persuasive, you could say. i can get just about anyone to do anything i want, as long as i put the time in to learn what's inside their head. i can also play a lot of mind games with someone, if i find them worth my time. playing hard to get is usually how it starts. apart from those, i have good balance, comes with the bartender job. lastly, im flexible, and not for the reason you're thinking. i've taken a lot of fighting classes, which means that i can also take care of myself."
THAT'S INTERESTING, NOW WHAT ARE YOU NOT SO GOOD AT?
"relationships get to me. if i get too attached to someone, i usually cut things off and start fresh with someone else. i get too scared, and i can't continue the relationship. or, if i do somehow choose to give it a shot, i usually end up fucking everything over. commitment isn't something im that into. im also not that good at understanding when someone's trying to hint at things, like when they like me, or want me to do something that isn't sexual."
I BET I CAN BEAT YOU IN A THUMB WRESTLE AND HOLD MY BREATHE LONGER THAN YOU AT THE SAME TIME.
"i've got better things to do then sit around and let you touch me."
YOU MUST THINK I'M CRAZY. OH WELL, SAY, WHAT KIND OF QUALITIES DO YOU LIKE IN A SPOUSE?
"i don't think i'd be able to answer this with a straight face."
OH, I GUESS I'M NOT YOUR TYPE THEN, EH? WELL, WHAT DO YOU FIND UNATTRACTIVE IN A PERSON?
"when they linger."
FINE, BE LIKE THAT. I DON'T LIKE YOU ANYWAYS.
"see what i mean about the whole, hinting thing?"
OK, WE'RE GONNA PLAY A GAME. I'M GOING TO ASK SOME SIMPLE QUESTIONS, AND YOUR GOING TO SAY THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND, OK?
"-rolls eyes-"
FAVORITE FOOD?
"as long as it's edible, i'll eat it."
FAVORITE MOVIE?
"rocky horror picture show, or ten inch hero"
FAVORITE BAND/ARTIST?
"too many to name"
FAVORITE DRINK?
"are we talking alcoholic beverage, or not?"
FAVORITE SUBJECT?
"no one likes school."
FAVORITE SPICE GIRL?
"i was never into the whole, "lets get together and be sluts" kinda thing."
FAVORITE TV SHOW?
"paranormal state."
FAVORITE HOLIDAY AND SEASON?
"winter or autumn. i don't have a favorite holiday."
FAVORITE WORD?
"i have a wide variety of swear words"
FAVORITE FAMOUS DEAD PERSON?
"is gene simmons dead yet?"
FAVORITE TIME OF DAY?
"whenever im at work."
FAVORITE COLOR?
"gray"
FAVORITE BOOK?
"the house of night series."
FAVORITE TOY?
"i have this amazing zippo lighter . . ."
WELL, WASN'T THAT FUN? ON TO THE SERIOUS SHIT. TELL ME A BIT ABOUT YOURSELF.
"i have a really harsh humor. i laugh at people's pain and misfortune, or i make a joke about it. you can't handle a little potty mouth, don't even bother talking to me. i have a different mind set then most of you, i don't think about what im going to do for the day, or how im going to do it. i think about why im going to be doing whatever comes up. i guess i can be a bit playful, when i want, teasing whenever the chance shows itself."
MHMM, AND WHAT ABOUT YOUR FAMILY?
"you leave my fucking family out of this."
VERY INTERESTING. SO HOW DID YOU END UP IN AT THIS TOUR?
"i moved to california when i turned sixteen. i was born in new orleans, but the place was such a shit hole i couldn't wait to get out. backpacked until i got her, and the job was offered. couldn't refuse to work with alcohol and loud music."
RIGHT ON, MY FRIEND. SO, CAN YOU TELL US WHAT WAS YOUR BEST MEMORY?
"what's there to remember? my life's pretty shitty. i sleep with anyone who puts up a challenge, i drink until i can't remember my name, and i live alone. oh yeah, much to enjoy."
HOW, LOVELY. AND WHAT ABOUT YOUR WORST MEMORY?
". . ."
NOW, JUST WONDERING. WHAT RELIGION ARE YOU EXACTLY?
"im religionless. if there was a god, he can kiss my ass."
WHAT SORT OF CAREER WILL YOU GO INTO THEN?
"currently, im working at the club. no, no. not the strip club. just the regular, dance club. bartender. usually serving drinks at the bar, but now and then i'll end up being a waitress for a couple tables."
WHAT HAPPENED TO BE YOUR FIRST WORDS?
"how the fuck would i know?"
OMGWTFBBQ?!? WELL, LOOK AT THAT. I'VE NEVER SEEN A GENIE ACTUALLY COME OUT OF THE BOTTLE. WHAT ARE YOUR THREE WISHES?
"wish one; i want a smoothie. wish two; i want a raise. wish three; i want a man."
WOW, WASN'T THAT FASCINATING?
"delightfully. -sarcasm-"
SO, YOU, UH, WITH ANYBODY AT THE PRESENT MOMENT?
"you wish."
WELL, YOU WANNA GO OUT SOME TIME? WHERE CAN I TAKE YA?
"if i ever was to say yes, i wouldn't give a shit about where it was."
HEY, IF YOUR NOT BUSY FRIDAY...WANNA GO OUT?
". . . i have to do my laundry friday."
ALRIGHT, WHATEVER. THIS INTERVIEW IS COMING TO AN END. ANYTHING YOU WANT TO TELL US?
"other than the fact that i really hate applications? no, nothing."
THIS FAKE INTERVIEWER DUDE GUY WILL SELF DESTRUCT IN FIVE SECONDS.
"does this mean i can leave now?"
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ON THE STEREO,
LISTEN AS WE GO,
DRIVING DOWN THE 101.
ANGEL has been trying to escape this doggone planet for EIGHTEEN years,
but they've found themselves stuck in the vortex of role playing for SEVEN 1/2 years.
too bad. we could have busted them out if they didn't live all the way in
the TIMEZONE timezone. you can always reach them at CONTACTINFO/PM.
hold up, you'll need the password, which is SECRETPHRASE and we'll need
to see some proof that you're a BOY/GIRL. yep, pull down those pants.
ok, well, i'll just take your paperwork and be going:
RP SAMPLE HERE. NOT YOUR BEST, BUT YOUR AVERAGE.
CALIFORNIA HERE WE COME,
RIGHT BACK WHERE WE STARTED FROM.
say hold up, wait a minute. let me put some pimpin' in
it! yep, that's right, this sexy application template was made
by yours truly: CHRISS a.k.a. LENNY GOT LAID ?! @
CAUTION 2.0. yeah, see those fawesome lyrics? that be
california by none other than phantom planet. and by the way,
if you happen to remove this little credit, i'll sned vampires
after you in the night to rip out your jugular. and they won't
be as sexy as you think the cullens are. uh-huh.[/center]
