Post by Jim Powers on Apr 4, 2009 11:22:38 GMT -5
JAMES WINSTON POWERS 'S BEEN ON THE RUN
DRIVING IN THE SUN
LOOKING OUT FOR NUMBER ONE.
hey, you! yeah, i'm talking to you. wake the hell up! good.
welcome to the When You Were Young tour. it is
mandatory that you fill out this paperwork. yes, all of it. why?
because we doggone said so, that's why! now take a seat and
please be quiet. i said be quiet!
CALIFORNIA HERE WE COME,
RIGHT BACK WHERE WE STARTED FROM.
"Jim, jim-jam, jimmy-boy, jimmy crack corn, mr.powers, austin powers, shaggy, bedhead, and le shag. I prefer Jim, though to be quite honest."
I HAVE TO ASK: MALE, FEMALE, OR SOMETHING IN BETWEEN?
"Well, according to my nether-regions, I'm a boy. Do I need to prove it?"
GOOD, I WAS STARTING TO WORRY. NOW, HOW OLD ARE YOU EXACTLY?
"I'm 21 so I'm legal here in the US. I was born on March 17th (Ironic, because it's the holiday of beer) and I think that my astrological sign is a...virgo? I'm not sure I don't know much about that shit."
WELL, YOU LOOK YOUNG FOR YOUR AGE. HOW DO YOU STAY IN SHAPE?
"By making myself throw-up. Nah, I'm only fooling with you, mate. I stay in shape by running away from the police. "
OH, I'LL HAVE TO TRY THAT. MOVING ON: YOUR HAIR, IS THAT YOUR NATURAL COLOR?
"Yes, it is."
DON'T MEAN TO BE A PEST BUT, HOW TALL ARE YOU EXACTLY?
"Ooh. That's a toughie....um...I believe I'm 6 foot."
I WOULD NEVER HAVE CONSIDERED THAT GEORGE CLOONEY MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT ABOUT YOU?
"Wousldn't suprise me. He always seemed like a frit to me. Personally, I like women."
OH REALLY? WELL, WHAT BAND ARE YOU IN WHAT'S YOUR POSITION?
"I am the marvelous bassist in Purple Tastes Like Sex. To be quite honest, we have the greatset band name ever. Purple Tatstes Like Sex...I just love it!"
WELL THEN, WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?
"I like to have sex and lots of it. Oh and I love getting into trouble, that's always fun."
DON'T WORRY, THIS IS ALL CONFIDENTIAL. GO AHEAD, TELL US WHAT YOU ENJOY.
"Sex, drugs, sex, drinking, sex, playing bass, sex, watching movies, sex, going clubbing, sex, and sex."
WHAT ABOUT SOMETHING THAT GETS ON YOUR NERVES?
"Not having sex, purity rings, rich assholes, hypocrites, and government. "
I'LL HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT. SO, ARE YOU GOOD AT ANYTHING?
"I'm good at having sex, getting into trouble, running my mouth, being irritating to people who deserve it, playing bass, throwing themed parties, and telling jokes."
THAT'S INTERESTING, NOW WHAT ARE YOU NOT SO GOOD AT?
"I can't sing for my life, I'm a horrible driver, and I suck at playing cards."
I BET I CAN BEAT YOU IN A THUMB WRESTLE AND HOLD MY BREATHE LONGER THAN YOU AT THE SAME TIME.
"Have fun with that."
YOU MUST THINK I'M CRAZY. OH WELL, SAY, WHAT KIND OF QUALITIES DO YOU LIKE IN A SPOUSE?
"I love girls with long legs, girls with a good sense of humor, they should be intellegent, they have to be unique, they should be good in bed, they must know how to party, and they have to be able to put up with me."
OH, I GUESS I'M NOT YOUR TYPE THEN, EH? WELL, WHAT DO YOU FIND UNATTRACTIVE IN A PERSON?
"No, you're not. Now I hate idiots, bimbos, posers, snobs, jailbait, and girls who are utterly boring. Oh and if they have nasally voices I just might kill them."
FINE, BE LIKE THAT. I DON'T LIKE YOU ANYWAYS.
"Sorry, love. I know how much you wanted me but I just don't see it happening with that attitude of yours."
OK, WE'RE GONNA PLAY A GAME. I'M GOING TO ASK SOME SIMPLE QUESTIONS, AND YOUR GOING TO SAY THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND, OK?
"Go for it."
FAVORITE FOOD?
"Lobster"
FAVORITE MOVIE?
"Animal House"
FAVORITE BAND/ARTIST?
"The Sex Pistols"
FAVORITE DRINK?
"Eggnog."
FAVORITE SUBJECT?
"Math."
FAVORITE SPICE GIRL?
"That's a toughie. I love them all! Although, Baby's always had a special place in my heart..."
FAVORITE TV SHOW?
"Extras. It's a british comedy. You've probably never heard of it."
FAVORITE HOLIDAY AND SEASON?
"Saint Patrick's Day and Spring."
FAVORITE WORD?
"Snazzy."
FAVORITE FAMOUS DEAD PERSON?
"Sid Vicious. The man had style..."
FAVORITE TIME OF DAY?
"Shimmy time! Shimmy shimmy shimmy shimmy shimmy shimmy shimmy!"
FAVORITE COLOR?
"Black."
FAVORITE BOOK?
"Marley & Me."
FAVORITE TOY?
"A slinky."
WELL, WASN'T THAT FUN? ON TO THE SERIOUS SHIT. TELL ME A BIT ABOUT YOURSELF.
"Well, I'm a funny, charming, british, devilishly handsome, slightly narcisistic druggie sex-fiend who's always getting himself in sticky situations ."
MHMM, AND WHAT ABOUT YOUR FAMILY?
"Who cares? I know I don't. They were all rich and stuffy and boring so fuck 'em!"
VERY INTERESTING. SO HOW DID YOU END UP IN AT THIS TOUR?
"I came to New York and met a Miss Connolly Dedvreux who needed a bassist for her lovely little band. I happened to play bass and decided to help her out. We've been together (I mean the band not Connolly and I) ever since."
RIGHT ON, MY FRIEND. SO, CAN YOU TELL US WHAT WAS YOUR BEST MEMORY?
"My first concert. It was quite a riot..."
HOW, LOVELY. AND WHAT ABOUT YOUR WORST MEMORY?
"That time when I was sent to the hospital after um...being in a car accident."
NOW, JUST WONDERING. WHAT RELIGION ARE YOU EXACTLY?
"I'm Athiest."
WHAT SORT OF CAREER WILL YOU GO INTO THEN?
"Currently I'm a rockstar. Hopefully one day I'll be a bum living on the streets or still a rock star."
WHAT HAPPENED TO BE YOUR FIRST WORDS?
"Shit. I was trying to say "sit" but I didn't."
OMGWTFBBQ?!? WELL, LOOK AT THAT. I'VE NEVER SEEN A GENIE ACTUALLY COME OUT OF THE BOTTLE. WHAT ARE YOUR THREE WISHES?
"To be famous, to have lots of money, to be adored by many screaming fan girls."
WOW, WASN'T THAT FASCINATING?
"Why yes, it was. It was almost as fascinating as me"
SO, YOU, UH, WITH ANYBODY AT THE PRESENT MOMENT?
"Nope."
WELL, YOU WANNA GO OUT SOME TIME? WHERE CAN I TAKE YA?
"To a nice little underground club. Or maybe out for some food or something"
HEY, IF YOUR NOT BUSY FRIDAY...WANNA GO OUT?
"We've alraedy established that you're not my type. Sorry, love."
ALRIGHT, WHATEVER/COOL. THIS INTERVIEW IS COMING TO AN END. ANYTHING YOU WANT TO TELL US?
"God Save the Queen!"
THIS FAKE INTERVIEWER DUDE GUY WILL SELF DESTRUCT IN FIVE SECONDS.
"I want a taco..."
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ON THE STEREO,
LISTEN AS WE GO,
DRIVING DOWN THE 101.
KATIE (aka Darcy O'Riley) has been trying to escape this doggone planet for AGEINLETTERS years,
but they've found themselves stuck in the vortex of role playing for RPEXPERIENCE years.
too bad. we could have busted them out if they didn't live all the way in
the TIMEZONE timezone. you can always reach them at CONTACTINFO/PM.
hold up, you'll need the password, which is SECRETPHRASE and we'll need
to see some proof that you're a BOY/GIRL. yep, pull down those pants.
ok, well, i'll just take your paperwork and be going:
RP SAMPLE HERE. NOT YOUR BEST, BUT YOUR AVERAGE.
CALIFORNIA HERE WE COME,
RIGHT BACK WHERE WE STARTED FROM.
say hold up, wait a minute. let me put some pimpin' in
it! yep, that's right, this sexy application template was made
by yours truly: CHRISS a.k.a. LENNY GOT LAID ?! @
CAUTION 2.0. yeah, see those fawesome lyrics? that be
california by none other than phantom planet. and by the way,
if you happen to remove this little credit, i'll sned vampires
after you in the night to rip out your jugular. and they won't
be as sexy as you think the cullens are. uh-huh.[/center]
