Post by Johnny Wood on Apr 2, 2009 16:02:32 GMT -5
JOHNATHAN LEE WOOD 'S BEEN ON THE RUN
DRIVING IN THE SUN
LOOKING OUT FOR NUMBER ONE.
hey, you! yeah, i'm talking to you. wake the hell up! good.
welcome to the When You Were Young tour. it is
mandatory that you fill out this paperwork. yes, all of it. why?
because we doggone said so, that's why! now take a seat and
please be quiet. i said be quiet!
CALIFORNIA HERE WE COME,
RIGHT BACK WHERE WE STARTED FROM.
"Johnny."
I HAVE TO ASK: MALE, FEMALE, OR SOMETHING IN BETWEEN?
"Male. I could prove it if you'd like."
GOOD, I WAS STARTING TO WORRY. NOW, HOW OLD ARE YOU EXACTLY?
"Twenty two. Too old for your daughter, too young for your mother. Still fucked them both."
WELL, YOU LOOK YOUNG FOR YOUR AGE. HOW DO YOU STAY IN SHAPE?
"Eat shit and watch tv."
OH, I'LL HAVE TO TRY THAT. MOVING ON: YOUR HAIR, IS THAT YOUR NATURAL COLOR?
"Sure."
DON'T MEAN TO BE A PEST BUT, HOW TALL ARE YOU EXACTLY?
"Fuck, I don't know. 6'1" or something."
I WOULD NEVER HAVE CONSIDERED THAT GEORGE CLOONEY MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT ABOUT YOU?
"George Cloo.. What the fucking hell? What are you asking?"
OH REALLY? WELL, WHAT BAND ARE YOU IN WHAT'S YOUR POSITION?
"No band. And if you're asking what I play, that's none of your business."
WELL THEN, WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?
"Oh, I don't know, something juvenile, socially unacceptable, and politically incorrect."
DON'T WORRY, THIS IS ALL CONFIDENTIAL. GO AHEAD, TELL US WHAT YOU ENJOY.
"Uh.. parties, drinking, cigarettes, women, drugs, sex, fights, cussing, roller coasters, risks, one night stands, fucking up things, playing the guitar, songs, coffee, blow jobs, bathing, weight lifting, movies no one knows about, thunderstorms, fuck buddies, whipped cream, driving fast
um... whatever."
WHAT ABOUT SOMETHING THAT GETS ON YOUR NERVES?
"Fucking asking me so many questions."
I'LL HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT. SO, ARE YOU GOOD AT ANYTHING?
"Sexual favors."
THAT'S INTERESTING, NOW WHAT ARE YOU NOT SO GOOD AT?
"Being a good person, I guess."
I BET I CAN BEAT YOU IN A THUMB WRESTLE AND HOLD MY BREATHE LONGER THAN YOU AT THE SAME TIME.
"I bet I can rape your mom."
YOU MUST THINK I'M CRAZY. OH WELL, SAY, WHAT KIND OF QUALITIES DO YOU LIKE IN A SPOUSE?
"Spouse as in Wife? You can forget it."
OH, I GUESS I'M NOT YOUR TYPE THEN, EH? WELL, WHAT DO YOU FIND UNATTRACTIVE IN A PERSON?
"Lots of question asking."
FINE, BE LIKE THAT. I DON'T LIKE YOU ANYWAYS.
"We're on the same page."
OK, WE'RE GONNA PLAY A GAME. I'M GOING TO ASK SOME SIMPLE QUESTIONS, AND YOUR GOING TO SAY THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND, OK?
"Mmmm. You're an obnoxious little fucker."
FAVORITE FOOD?
"Good food."
FAVORITE MOVIE?
"God damn.."
FAVORITE BAND/ARTIST?
"Anything that doesn't suck."
FAVORITE DRINK?
"Anything alcoholic."
FAVORITE SUBJECT?
"Sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll."
FAVORITE SPICE GIRL?
"The one who got naked."
FAVORITE TV SHOW?
"I don't really watch tv."
FAVORITE HOLIDAY AND SEASON?
"Summer, I guess."
FAVORITE WORD?
"Fuck you."
FAVORITE FAMOUS DEAD PERSON?
"Is Michael Jackson still alive? Shouldn't be..."
FAVORITE TIME OF DAY?
"Whenever the party starts."
FAVORITE COLOR?
"This is unbelievably annoying."
FAVORITE BOOK?
"I'm not answering anymore questions"
FAVORITE TOY?
"Fuuuuucckkk."
WELL, WASN'T THAT FUN? ON TO THE SERIOUS SHIT. TELL ME A BIT ABOUT YOURSELF.
"If you don't know my personality by now, I feel sorry for you. There's not much more than what meets the eye."
MHMM, AND WHAT ABOUT YOUR FAMILY?
"Mother's fat, brother's retarded, sister's pregnant, dad's dead."
VERY INTERESTING. SO HOW DID YOU END UP IN AT THIS TOUR?
"I'm hiding out here til the rest of my family bites the dust."
RIGHT ON, MY FRIEND. SO, CAN YOU TELL US WHAT WAS YOUR BEST MEMORY?
"About an hour ago, before I met you."
HOW, LOVELY. AND WHAT ABOUT YAOUR WORST MEMORY?
"This one."
NOW, JUST WONDERING. WHAT RELIGION ARE YOU EXACTLY?
"Atheist, whatever the kids call it these days."
WHAT SORT OF CAREER WILL YOU GO INTO THEN?
"I'm a tattoo artist. Just not employed yet."
WHAT HAPPENED TO BE YOUR FIRST WORDS?
" 'I love you.' Misleading, right? First and last time I've ever said it."
OMGWTFBBQ?!? WELL, LOOK AT THAT. I'VE NEVER SEEN A GENIE ACTUALLY COME OUT OF THE BOTTLE. WHAT ARE YOUR THREE WISHES?
"Oh my christ. Go away."
WOW, WASN'T THAT FASCINATING?
"Not particularly."
SO, YOU, UH, WITH ANYBODY AT THE PRESENT MOMENT?
"No, goddammit."
WELL, YOU WANNA GO OUT SOME TIME? WHERE CAN I TAKE YA?
"I'm politely ignoring that."
HEY, IF YOUR NOT BUSY FRIDAY...WANNA GO OUT?
"Still ignoring."
ALRIGHT, WHATEVER/COOL. THIS INTERVIEW IS COMING TO AN END. ANYTHING YOU WANT TO TELL US?
"I've been arrested three times."
THIS FAKE INTERVIEWER DUDE GUY WILL SELF DESTRUCT IN FIVE SECONDS.
"
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[/ul]
ON THE STEREO,
LISTEN AS WE GO,
DRIVING DOWN THE 101.
Nina has been trying to escape this doggone planet for sixteen years,
but they've found themselves stuck in the vortex of role playing for five years.
too bad. we could have busted them out if they didn't live all the way in
the eastern timezone. you can always reach them through pm.
hold up, you'll need the password, which is sugarplumfairies and we'll need
to see some proof that you're a girl. yep, pull down those pants.
ok, well, i'll just take your paperwork and be going:
His smoker's cough was getting worse. His clothes and breath and between his fingers were stained with the scent of cigarettes. Honestly, the boy had plunged into near hell itself ever since the news had been broken to him. Pregnant. Hah. Since then, he'd picked up smoking- something he knew Terri hated. He'd stopped sleeping completely, ate less and less, and drank like an Irish alcoholic. He slept in his car, he was running out of money, and he was fucking every good looking girl in sight, almost like he was trying to prove something, trying to get back at someone. Of course, condoms had become a little more in use of him since then, and birth control was a must for the girl. He had been so close to being scared away from sex for awhile since he’d knocked up Terri. Almost. Come on, it was Johnny Wood.
The smelly smoke puffed about his face as he exhaled, cigarette limp between his fingers. There were slight bags under his bloodshot eyes. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to tell that Johnny was piss drunk at the moment. The cig was burning down close to the filter now, and he stared at it almost longingly, absentmindedly. Brows furrowing, he dropped his head and coughed a little, his throat and entire mouth sore from the combination of alcohol, smoking, and rough kissing. Finally, he pushed his cigarette into the ashtray and waved for the bartender who, of course, denied him of another drink. It was only about his sixth or seventh and he had yet to pay for any one of them, claiming he would later.
He looked different, being completely truthful. He’d obviously been working out more, but eating less as well. His hair had gotten a bit longer, and hung lazily into his face even more than before. You almost couldn’t see his dark, emotionless, blood shot eyes beneath the dark locks. He looked half asleep- or else half dead. And, really, he looked like he was back on drugs. But he was still Johnny. Asshole, inconsiderate, sexy, fuck buddy Johnny. Just, he didn’t have Terri anymore. And that wasn’t so bad at all, right? She was pregnant, and probably needed to get herself laid by someone who would actually stay to take care of the kid anyway. Good luck to her, wherever the fuck she was.
The smelly smoke puffed about his face as he exhaled, cigarette limp between his fingers. There were slight bags under his bloodshot eyes. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to tell that Johnny was piss drunk at the moment. The cig was burning down close to the filter now, and he stared at it almost longingly, absentmindedly. Brows furrowing, he dropped his head and coughed a little, his throat and entire mouth sore from the combination of alcohol, smoking, and rough kissing. Finally, he pushed his cigarette into the ashtray and waved for the bartender who, of course, denied him of another drink. It was only about his sixth or seventh and he had yet to pay for any one of them, claiming he would later.
He looked different, being completely truthful. He’d obviously been working out more, but eating less as well. His hair had gotten a bit longer, and hung lazily into his face even more than before. You almost couldn’t see his dark, emotionless, blood shot eyes beneath the dark locks. He looked half asleep- or else half dead. And, really, he looked like he was back on drugs. But he was still Johnny. Asshole, inconsiderate, sexy, fuck buddy Johnny. Just, he didn’t have Terri anymore. And that wasn’t so bad at all, right? She was pregnant, and probably needed to get herself laid by someone who would actually stay to take care of the kid anyway. Good luck to her, wherever the fuck she was.
CALIFORNIA HERE WE COME,
RIGHT BACK WHERE WE STARTED FROM.
say hold up, wait a minute. let me put some pimpin' in
it! yep, that's right, this sexy application template was made
by yours truly: CHRISS a.k.a. LENNY GOT LAID ?! @
CAUTION 2.0. yeah, see those fawesome lyrics? that be
california by none other than phantom planet. and by the way,
if you happen to remove this little credit, i'll sned vampires
after you in the night to rip out your jugular. and they won't
be as sexy as you think the cullens are. uh-huh.[/center]
