SCOTT, andrea laura

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"Andy. Call me Andrea and I may shoot you. Or just tell you to fuck off."

I HAVE TO ASK: MALE, FEMALE, OR SOMETHING IN BETWEEN?
"Shall we go down the list? Boobs; check, long hair; check, all the "parts";check. I'd say female."

GOOD, I WAS STARTING TO WORRY. NOW, HOW OLD ARE YOU EXACTLY?
"I'm twenty years old. My birthday just so happens to be May 24th. And what the hell is astrology? Fuck off."

WELL, YOU LOOK YOUNG FOR YOUR AGE. HOW DO YOU STAY IN SHAPE?
"um...why the hell do you care? I'm pretty fucking sure I look exactly my age. Fuck off."

OH, I'LL HAVE TO TRY THAT. MOVING ON: YOUR HAIR, IS THAT YOUR NATURAL COLOR?
"Oh, yeah, of course. Most people are born with fuckin' purple in their hair. Retard."

DON'T MEAN TO BE A PEST BUT, HOW TALL ARE YOU EXACTLY?
"Yeah, well, you are being a best. I'm 5'5, thanks. I don't give a fuck about it, it's just my height, I could kick your ass any day."

I WOULD NEVER HAVE CONSIDERED THAT GEORGE CLOONEY MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT ABOUT YOU?
"Who the hell cares? Fuckin' movie stars think they run the fuckin' place..fuck. I'm straight, if you must know. Which means I like guys. So fuck off."

OH REALLY? WELL, WHAT BAND ARE YOU IN WHAT'S YOUR POSITION?
"I'm in Pillow Kill Babies. I shred on bass."

WELL THEN, WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?
"I spend most of my leisurely time killing people who ask too many fucking questions."

DON'T WORRY, THIS IS ALL CONFIDENTIAL. GO AHEAD, TELL US WHAT YOU ENJOY.
"well, that's good...okay, what do I like? Well, you can't tell anyone. I like opera. I also have a soft spot for little kids...once again, don't tell anyone. I like loud music, too. And hair dye is always cool. Playing bass is obviously another thing I enjoy...and I'm kinda digging this tour, as well, to be honest. It's better than home."

WHAT ABOUT SOMETHING THAT GETS ON YOUR NERVES?
"nosy people. people who ask about my past. most people in general. people who can't take life seriously. people who take life too seriously. people who lie about stupid shit for attention. rain. snow. YOU AND YOUR QUESTIONS."

I'LL HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT. SO, ARE YOU GOOD AT ANYTHING?
"Sure, everyone's good at something. I'm good at bass, at pissing people off, and at getting pissed off."

THAT'S INTERESTING, NOW WHAT ARE YOU NOT SO GOOD AT?
"Ummmm...making friends. Hahahahah. I don't give a fuck though."

I BET I CAN BEAT YOU IN A THUMB WRESTLE AND HOLD MY BREATHE LONGER THAN YOU AT THE SAME TIME.
"Yeah fucking right. Keep telling yourself that."

YOU MUST THINK I'M CRAZY. OH WELL, SAY, WHAT KIND OF QUALITIES DO YOU LIKE IN A SPOUSE?
"ummm...well, he has to be good in bed. haha! I also don't want a guy who's gonna let me push him around, you know? I want a guy who's gonna get completely fucking pissed off when I play my little mind games with him. One who's entirely possessive. Possibly the dark tall mysterious type? Yeah, you know the kind. I guess I like bad boys."

OH, I GUESS I'M NOT YOUR TYPE THEN, EH? WELL, WHAT DO YOU FIND UNATTRACTIVE IN A PERSON?
"Wimpy guys. Fuck, they couldn't handle me. Guys who let me do whatever I want, have whatever I want, and all that jazz. I want a guy who will stand up for himself when I say he has a tiny dick, not cry. Fuck. Or at least one that'll laugh."

FINE, BE LIKE THAT. I DON'T LIKE YOU ANYWAYS.
"Well, that's fucking good."

OK, WE'RE GONNA PLAY A GAME. I'M GOING TO ASK SOME SIMPLE QUESTIONS, AND YOUR GOING TO SAY THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND, OK?
"And what If I don't want to? oh, what the fuck, just make it quick."

FAVORITE FOOD?
"I'd say, but your virgin ears might bleed..."

FAVORITE MOVIE?
"Um. Fuck. Nothing."

FAVORITE BAND/ARTIST?
"Oh god, you're not gonna be expecting this. But I love Say Anything. yeah, not as hardcore as my usual groupu of music, eh?"

FAVORITE DRINK?
"uh...fuck...got milk?"

FAVORITE SUBJECT?
"penis. HAHA! I'm so funny. no, seriously though."

FAVORITE SPICE GIRL?
"Scary."

FAVORITE TV SHOW?
"Fuck. I don't know."

FAVORITE HOLIDAY AND SEASON?
"I like halloween...all the ugly faces are covered. (; and, uh, I'm not a holiday person..."

FAVORITE WORD?
"if you can't tell i like the word fuck."

FAVORITE FAMOUS DEAD PERSON?
"Who cares? They're all dead."

FAVORITE TIME OF DAY?
"None."

FAVORITE COLOR?
"purple and/or black."

FAVORITE BOOK?
"I don't have time to fucking read..."

FAVORITE TOY?
"Once again, virgin ears..."

WELL, WASN'T THAT FUN? ON TO THE SERIOUS SHIT. TELL ME A BIT ABOUT YOURSELF.
"Me? well, fuck. Lots of people who I'm now friends with say they hated me when we first met. Probably because I'm a bitch. yeah, I'm a bitch, especially to new people. But once you get on my good side I hear I'm not so bad. I relax, I loosen up, you know? Sometimes I even make jokes, or laugh at you in a way that's not bitter. I know, shocker. I'm pretty damn possessive once I start liking you, too, so maybe it's just better to stay on my bad side, eh?"

MHMM, AND WHAT ABOUT YOUR FAMILY?
"yeah...fuck...do I have to? Uhm...there's my mom, Sheryl. She's an anorexic crack whore. there's my dad Craig, he's dead. I think. At least my mom says. Then there's my brother Johnny Cake. I don't wanna talk about him..."

VERY INTERESTING. SO HOW DID YOU END UP IN AT THIS TOUR?
"I was born, I grew up, I met the band, I left my house, I came on tour. End of story."

RIGHT ON, MY FRIEND. SO, CAN YOU TELL US WHAT WAS YOUR BEST MEMORY?
"Sadly e-fucking-nough I don't have one. Hey, I had a rough childhood, and nothing worthy of being the best memory has happened to me yet. Ask again in a few months, maybe I'll have something."

HOW, LOVELY. AND WHAT ABOUT YOUR WORST MEMORY?
"One word: Johnny Cake. I'm not going into detail."

NOW, JUST WONDERING. WHAT RELIGION ARE YOU EXACTLY?
"Started out Christian, turned Athiest by the age of fourteen. If there was a god why would we all be in this shit hole? Don't give me that shit about the fruit, I don't fucking care. Adam can go fuck himself, and Eve can watch."

WHAT SORT OF CAREER WILL YOU GO INTO THEN?
"I won't. I'm already in one, dick head. Isn't that why you're asking me these gay ass questions?"

WHAT HAPPENED TO BE YOUR FIRST WORDS?
"fuck"

OMGWTFBBQ?!? WELL, LOOK AT THAT. I'VE NEVER SEEN A GENIE ACTUALLY COME OUT OF THE BOTTLE. WHAT ARE YOUR THREE WISHES?
"1. I wish 2. That you. 3. would leave me alone."


WOW, WASN'T THAT FASCINATING?
"No."

SO, YOU, UH, WITH ANYBODY AT THE PRESENT MOMENT?
"...FUCK OFF."

WELL, YOU WANNA GO OUT SOME TIME? WHERE CAN I TAKE YA?
"Nowhere."

HEY, IF YOUR NOT BUSY FRIDAY...WANNA GO OUT?
"Let me check my planner...FUCK NO."

ALRIGHT, WHATEVER. THIS INTERVIEW IS COMING TO AN END. ANYTHING YOU WANT TO TELL US?
"You've made it onto my shit list, whoever the hell you are."

THIS FAKE INTERVIEWER DUDE GUY WILL SELF DESTRUCT IN FIVE SECONDS.
"Good. Bye."
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ON THE STEREO,
LISTEN AS WE GO,
DRIVING DOWN THE 101.
Elizabeth again : D/ALIAS has been trying to escape this doggone planet for AGEINLETTERS years,
but they've found themselves stuck in the vortex of role playing for RPEXPERIENCE years.
too bad. we could have busted them out if they didn't live all the way in
the TIMEZONE timezone. you can always reach them at CONTACTINFO/PM.
hold up, you'll need the password, which is SECRETPHRASE and we'll need
to see some proof that you're a BOY/GIRL. yep, pull down those pants.
ok, well, i'll just take your paperwork and be going:

CALIFORNIA HERE WE COME,
RIGHT BACK WHERE WE STARTED FROM.
say hold up, wait a minute. let me put some pimpin' in
it! yep, that's right, this sexy application template was made
by yours truly: CHRISS a.k.a. LENNY GOT LAID ?! @
CAUTION 2.0. yeah, see those fawesome lyrics? that be
california by none other than phantom planet. and by the way,
if you happen to remove this little credit, i'll sned vampires
after you in the night to rip out your jugular. and they won't
be as sexy as you think the cullens are. uh-huh.[/center]